6 minutes
Tips for making the most of online meetings and phone calls
“How are you?” Has this once generic greeting been a conversation game-changer since the onset of COVID-19?
The once-rhetorical and sometimes disingenuous greeting, “How are you?” as well as “How have you been?” have taken on new meaning during this pandemic. The change may continue long after we find ourselves on the other side of COVID-19.
The challenges of these times are many: finances, working from home, finding childcare and supporting kids doing school from home—not to mention finding romance and ways to be “distantly” social. Staying in touch and cultivating connections with family, friends, colleagues and the community are lifelines to the future. Hosting or sitting in on a business, social or family video meeting just doesn’t suffice.
Our new lingo now includes “Zoom fatigue” because, for many virtual meetings, it’s a challenge to focus or truly connect. How about some tips and tools to enhance your efforts?
Small Talk Promotes Connection
Zoom calls, WebEx, a phone call, or any type of meeting focused on business will benefit now more than ever from what I label “the picture frame of small talk” around each and every business conversation. So, for a few minutes before a meeting starts and a few minutes at the end, have small talk. Carving out time at the start of meetings to catch up a little is a key ingredient. These connecting conversations create and enhance business friendships. And, as we all know, people do business with their friends!
These connecting conversations can create and enhance business relationships with members, referral sources and colleagues.
Many meetings might start with some informal small talk, with co-workers sharing small pieces of their lives and families. This is a good thing: Research show that teams that sometimes share personal information perform better than teams that don't. When leaders model this, it often boosts team performance even more. But the switch to video conferencing can sometimes make it feel like you have to get down to business faster.
Some good conversation launchers are:
- How are you holding up?
- What is new with the family since we last caught up?
- I was thinking about you when I saw/read about….
- I am thankful to be able to talk with you/I am thankful to be able to catch up with you.
- Let me tell you about this ________ that really caught my interest.
- Something that made me smile lately is…
- Catch me up on your latest home project….
How to Get Everyone to Engage in Small Talk
One would expect virtual family meetups or girlfriend happy hours to easily jump from one person to another and one topic to another. Yet, more often than not, there are uncomfortable pauses, or sister-in-law and brother-in-law monopolizers, some who never contribute or a simple lack of connection.
How about a one-minute check-in per participant to launch each get-together or meeting? Ask each person to contribute one minute on:
- Their favorite quarantine outfit
- Their “go to” meal during this time
- A book, movie, TV or podcast recommendation
- An item/possession in their home office
For meetings of larger groups, ask attendees to be prepared to display a picture from their past week or month during the first few minutes. Most would not want to miss out on this opportunity to see what others are willing to share. Plus, this may encourage folks to login on time or even a bit early!
Body Language is Still Important, Even on Zoom
In the past, during our face-to-face conversations and meetings, we often picked up on social and visual cues: Someone leaning forward who might wish to add to the conversation, or someone with a bewildered expression responding to a point that was made. But these cues can be harder to see on video, potentially resulting in people speaking up less or simply a lack of connectivity in conversation.
When you need to engage, keep your eyes focused on your fellow video chat participants. Visual listening cues can make a difference. For example, when you need to engage, keep your eyes focused on your fellow video chat participants, instead of on your inbox or social media, and show that you're listening by nodding and smiling. This will help everyone to better read emotions, analyze ideas, and maintain a link to the conversation.
How to Respond When Other People Talk About Hard Times
Be sure to avoid falling into conversations that in any way resemble the following: “You think that is a tough situation, wait till I tell you what is happening to me.” It may be reflexive to try to relate to someone when they’re sharing a negative experience, but this can unintentionally lessen what they’re going through.
Responding with “Yes, I know…” can lead to frustration and a disconnect as well. Think back to a conversation you had with a friend or family member who was expressing their frustration with a situation happening in their life. Have you ever listened to someone vent about a situation, and responded with “Yes, I know how that feels...” when you have never actually experienced it yourself? Certainly not in the exact same way. You may instinctively be trying to show your understanding, but it can be very frustrating to the person who is sharing their story.
Instead, respond with “That must be so difficult.” or “My heart goes out to you that you have so much on your plate.” It’s much better to respond with “That must be difficult.” or “My heart goes out to you that you have so much on your plate.” If you have the time, encourage the other party to tell you more using such verbal cues as “What happened next?” “How does that work?” or “Give me an example of what you mean by that…” to embolden them to continue to talk.
If someone has chosen to share a negative or sensitive experience with you, it’s important to not only listen to them, but also to acknowledge and thank them for choosing you as someone they’re sharing this with. It’s true that COVID-19 causes worry and unease, but it can promote a bond because we actually have a conversation that shares a commonality. This is the time to let the people on the Zoom or phone call know how much you appreciate them and how precious each interaction can be for you.
Anyone reading this can be a leader and a role model displaying new techniques and innovative approaches to staying in touch and cultivating connections.
Debra Fine is the author of bestselling book The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression (Hachette) translated and published in over two dozen countries. She is a seasoned professional speaker and trainer both virtually and face-to-face.
